Sleepless in Little Rock

I am so exhausted. From Friday morning until right now I have had maybe 12 hours of sleep. It took everything I could muster not to call in to work and take the day off. I have had 1 day off in the last 15 days and will not have another one until Saturday. The way this month has gone I will have 2 days off for the entire month of July. I need a vacation.

This weekend was very eventful, but of course if you don’t sleep it gives you more chances to have things to happen. The weekend started out simple enough. One of my best friends, Wendy, and I met at my little dive bar, Pizza D, and had a couple of drinks. We decided to go dancing at Cowboy that night. So we go get ready and meet up there around 10:30. While up there I run into a girl that I will call Lady X. Lady X and I have some history together. There are no hard feelings and I still think the world of her. We talked some at the club and it was good to see her. Wendy and I had blast and just danced our butts off. When leaving the club late that night, I just had a sinking depressed feeling. I was going home alone again. It is not that I wanted to “hook up” with someone at the club because I am not like that, but rather not having someone to share my life with. My room mate, Ashley, had fallen asleep on the couch and when I got home I woke her up when I came in. She asked about Cowboy and I told her it was fun and that I saw Lady X there. She said "Lady X just quit calling you didn’t she?" and then I said “yes, just like Paula.” To give some back ground the last two people I have been “close” to, have just quit calling. Quite literally, it went from talking every day and everything being great to the very next day not talking at all. No more phone calls and not returning phone calls; completely from Hot to Cold in 24 hours.

At the moment I said “just like Paula” it hit me. The problem is me. I cried myself to sleep that night. It had been so long since I cried that I can not even remember the last time but I did that night.