Merry Christmas

This is my last post until after Christmas. I am very much looking forward to this Christmas. It is my first Christmas in the house I hope to live in for a while and my first Christmas with my son in double digits of age. But most of all this is my first one in years that I will not spend alone. For this I am thankful.

I can completely understand why people get depressed around this time of year, because I have always been one of them. I have little family and what family I do have I can not see often for various reasons. My son always goes back to his mom’s house on Christmas Eve and all of my friends are always at their families on this day. So each Christmas day I have sat at my home alone. I would imagine what it would be like to have loved ones there with me. I would try to remember how it felt, as a child, to wake up to the gifts that Santa brought. No matter how loud the radio was or how high the heat was turned up it is always quiet and cold on Christmas for me. The only real voices I heard were my own or children playing with new toys outside. I would stand in the window and watch families playing with new gifts that Santa brought. I felt so empty, so alone. This year my son goes back to his mom’s house on Christmas Eve but Jessica will be with me. I will not be alone this Christmas, but when I do here the children playing outside I will go to the window and look. I will wish that my son was here and we where outside playing together, but I will also look at the windows of the other houses. I will look to see how many people are staring out the windows wishing that they were not alone this Christmas. If they only knew they were not really alone, many people are right there with them having the same feelings.

Merry Christmas and God Bless.