Where's my Mojo?

To be or not to be…romantic that is. That is the question. It is not that easy. It is not like someone chooses not to be romantic or to be romantic. For that matter no one coconsciously chooses any of their character traits. Over the past 10 years I have changed immensely. I went from grieving for a broken marriage and feeling unworthy of a relationship, to playing the field to falling in love again. During this time my self esteem has always been really shaky. I had a break down 5 years ago and lost my will to live. Since that time I have been slowly making improvements. One thing that I always was during that time was romantic and a lover. I wanted to spend all my time with women. I could not get enough. I got myself into a lot of trouble during this time by seeing multiple women and sometimes the women were good friends. I just wanted to be next to a beautiful woman. There is nothing more beautiful then an attractive naked woman. It is God’s art, God’s masterpiece. Everything; the soft skin, the curves, smells, and taste of a woman was intoxicating. I could not get enough or want to do anything else. I would cook for women, have picnics, take a bottle of wine and blanket and take a woman out to look at the stars. I always kept a supply of candles and incense. I loved kissing and cuddling. What has happened to all of that?

Like I said I have made great strides in my self worth. I am at a place that I have never reached before. I am actually happy. Yes I weigh too much but I am happy. At least I think I am. I am not depressed like I used to be. I do not like drama like I used to. I enjoy simple things now that I did not use to. But with the last couple of girls I dated I have not been romantic at all and really not real touchy feely at all. I wish I could have that back. I liked being romantic. How can you get that back? Not just sex but true romance.

I know this does not make a lot sense it is just me really venting and thinking out loud.