Changes

Everything in life changes. Some changes are good, some are not. Some changes are wanted and some are unwanted. Regardless changes happen. They hurt, they make you feel good, they even sometimes mark a turning point in life. Change is most often hard even it is wanted and rarely easy.

I have had more then my fair changes in the last few years; nervous breakdown, engagement, changing jobs, death, family tragedies. I am in the mist of another change right now. I learned over the weekend why I do some of the things I do. In the past I have turned to alcohol and social settings, even if I knew no one there, to fight against what I fear most. I now know why Sunday’s that I take Branson home are so hard. What do I fear most? Being alone. Not alone for a day but for life.

Each year I have made good progress in fixing the damage done by the breakdown. Even recently I have made some progress. But as that part of my life gets better I become more isolated. I have fewer friends now then I ever have had. Though I am closer to my parents now then ever I see them less now then ever, just phone calls. I long for social interaction. I guess that is why I go to Barnes so much, at least I am around people.