Christmas

I had such a good Christmas this year. Branson was so happy with everything he got, my parents were able to come up this year and open gifts with us. It has been years since that has happened. It was so awesome. Jessica was happy with her gifts and I was happy with mine as well. I even broke down and bought a camera I have been eyeing for a while. It was a big purchase but my brand new Nikon D50 Digital SLR camera is so worth it. I even bought a new printer strictly for photographs. Just plug in the memory card and pick the pics you want to print and if you want 4x6 or 5x7 prints and there you go. It was really neat to take pictures of us opening presents and go into the office and print out the ones my parents liked and let them take them home right then. No waiting for photos anymore. Now if I can get my camera and computer to interact I will post some of them on here.

Merry Christmas

This is my last post until after Christmas. I am very much looking forward to this Christmas. It is my first Christmas in the house I hope to live in for a while and my first Christmas with my son in double digits of age. But most of all this is my first one in years that I will not spend alone. For this I am thankful.

I can completely understand why people get depressed around this time of year, because I have always been one of them. I have little family and what family I do have I can not see often for various reasons. My son always goes back to his mom’s house on Christmas Eve and all of my friends are always at their families on this day. So each Christmas day I have sat at my home alone. I would imagine what it would be like to have loved ones there with me. I would try to remember how it felt, as a child, to wake up to the gifts that Santa brought. No matter how loud the radio was or how high the heat was turned up it is always quiet and cold on Christmas for me. The only real voices I heard were my own or children playing with new toys outside. I would stand in the window and watch families playing with new gifts that Santa brought. I felt so empty, so alone. This year my son goes back to his mom’s house on Christmas Eve but Jessica will be with me. I will not be alone this Christmas, but when I do here the children playing outside I will go to the window and look. I will wish that my son was here and we where outside playing together, but I will also look at the windows of the other houses. I will look to see how many people are staring out the windows wishing that they were not alone this Christmas. If they only knew they were not really alone, many people are right there with them having the same feelings.

Merry Christmas and God Bless.

Where does your passion lie?

Last night I was reading the Time magazine article on the persons of the year. It was really inspiring how these three people who could easily afford a life of ease has teamed up to fight against poverty. They not only give money (the largest charitable donation in the history of mankind) but also their time. The do not donate money to construct buildings with their name on it like so many rich people do but they give money so that the poor can have food and medicine. They do this because it is important to them. This got me to think and ask myself what is important to me.

The most important thing to me is a no-brainer. It is of course my son. I have a most wonderful son. He is beautiful and intelligent and kind and courteous. He has a one on one relationship with God that is just amazing. I am 33 and never have had that kind of relationship with God.

The second important thing to me I suppose would be knowledge. I read constantly and find so much in life fascinating. I love to read stories of new discoveries in science or new findings of our past.

Third thing is bikes. I love bikes. Bikes to me are one part romantic, one part nostalgic, one part exercise and one part environmentally friendly. I would LOVE to be able to one day open my own bicycle store. It woudl be in the most eclectic and beautiful city in the U.S. The only city that has it entire downtown on the national historic register, the city that is second to only Las Vegas with the most wedding chapels per square mile; Eureka Springs.

Forth thing….well um I don’t have one. I am not passionate about anything else that I can think of. Does this make me shallow that I am not passionate about more things? What about the fact that I am not passionate about world hunger or poverty? Of course I want all of this to end but I do not do anything on a daily basis to fight it. We have so many problems facing us today; use of natural resources, poverty, obesity, environment, global warming, genocide. There are so many causes to fight for and I do not stand up and fight for any of them. I do what I can on a private basis but I am not part of an advocacy for any of them.

So I ask you; what is important to you/what are you passionate about?

Life Story

Is it ever to late to start over, to begin anew? I want to chase my dreams but I can’t. I can not afford to and do not want to spend less time with my son. I feel like there is something missing in my life. There should be more to life. Don’t get me wrong, I have a good life. I have a cute and nice home, a decent car, I am slowly get debt free and have more money saved up then I ever have had. I have a great relationship with my son and a really good relationship with his mother. Am I just being selfish? Is it that I am never satisfied? Is it because my expectations are too high? Why do I sit and dream all day. I surf the net for places to go kayaking, backpacking and mountain biking. I know that I will probably never get to go to these places, so why do I torture myself by looking at these places? If I did get to go would it satisfy me or would it make the desire even stronger to go back or do something even bolder? Is this just human nature to have these feelings or is it just me? Is this a mid life crises? I hate it when I run into someone that I have not seen in a long time. One question that always pops up is, “what is new?” I always have the same response, “nothing much, just the same ol same o.” That is the story of my life.

These Dreams.

What type of dreams do you have? Do you dream that you were a king or queen? Do you dream that you were rich or beautiful, a famous actor, world leader? Or are your dreams a little dirtier maybe that you were married to your best friend’s husband/wife, or married to any other then whom you are. Do you dream/fantasize that you were a seedy character, maybe a low level crime boss, drug dealer or prostitute? Do you dream of more excitement in your life or exotic locations?

My dreams tend to be of more excitement. I would love to go to exotic destinations and do some adrenaline pumping sports. I would love to canoe the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon, hike the entire Application Trail, bike across Europe, and mountain biking in Moab. I so wish I could feel the spray of the water on my face and the dirt on my face. I dream of riding down a little blacktop road with a stone fence built over hundreds of years and a ruined castle coming into view. I so enjoy the outdoors and miss not being able to enjoy like I wish I could. Sometimes I wish that I had another life.

So what are your dreams?

Life has been crazy lately. It has been full of ups and downs, both work related and personal life related. For the most part things are still going good for me and I am pretty happy. I am at a cross roads though, it more of uncertainty then anything. I am uncertain of my future. I am not sure what I want to do or where I want to be. I have a dream that I want to pursue but realistically I doubt I will ever be able to afford to. Oh how I love decisions.