So Tired.

I am so tired right now. Last night was my first night at my second job at Sufficient Grounds in Hillcrest. The work was not bad. It was actually pretty fun working there. It is so laid back and we goofed off a lot. I am so tired because it was such a long day yesterday. I woke up at 5:30 to run and I was at my main job before 7. Then I worked last night and did not get off until 11:30. After we closed the store and got it all cleaned up we all sat outside on the deck and had a couple of drinks. It gave me a chance to relax and get sleepy. I went home at 12:00 and was getting in bed at 12:08. I woke up at 6:00 this morning for my daily run. This morning has been very pleasant. I have gotten my entire end of fiscal year stuff done at my main job so now I am just coasting waiting for lunch so I can go home and take a nap.

Gone and Done it

As if training for a marathon is not enough of a life change I had to go and get a second job. It is going to make for some long 16 hour days but the extra money is going to be nice. I will now be able to replace my camera equipment that was stolen, pay off all my debt and save for a house. I know most all of the wait staff there already and they all love working there and most of them have been there for several years. I hope it is as laid back and fun as they say. I guess I will find out. I train this week and next week I will be on my on. The worse part of all of this is the hours I will be keeping. I am hoping to change my main job work hours to 7-4 that way I can work 4 to close at SG. This means I have to get up at 5:00 so I can get my run in before getting ready for work. It is going to be tough but when I buy that house it will all be worth it.

4 more days

Wow is it Monday again? This weekend was pretty good and low key. I took off work on Friday to spend more time with Branson. I picked him up Thursday after work and kept him until Saturday afternoon. We had lots of fun. We rode bmx, saw the new Batman movie which is awesome and went to the motorcycle rally. That was fun also. We saw some incredible bikes.

Saturday afternoon I went to Hot Springs to Ashley’s parent’s house. Saturday was Ashley’s Birthday. Her parents live on Lake Hamilton and have a boat and have a wonderful house with a swimming pool. We just hung out and played and drank and drank some more. It was lot of fun. I left to come back home Sunday after lunch. Sunday afternoon and night I just chilled at home, Sufficient Grounds and Barnes and Nobel. It was just a simple but enjoyable weekend. Now just 4 more days to go until another 3 day weekend, I need to start planning now.

What have I done???

Am I crazy? What have I agreed to? I volunteered for torture. One of my goals in life is to complete a marathon. I was aiming for the Little Rock Marathon the first weekend of March but now my first one will come 4 months earlier. Paula wants us to run the Wynn Marathon together in November. It would be her first marathon and my first full marathon also. It will be fun to train together and to run and finish the marathon together especially with it being our first one. We also want to compete in an Adventure race together and a triathlon also.

Ashley best friend, Becca and her husband flies in on Thursday night. They will be staying in Arkansas through the weekend for Ashley’s birthday. This weekend is going to be good but very hectic. I am picking up Branson Thursday night and keeping him through Saturday. I am taking off Friday so I can spend time with him. Saturday I go to Hot Springs to celebrate Ashley’s birthday and Sunday I will be going to Petit Jean to meet up with Paula to do some hiking throughout the park. I am just ready to get out of this office.

On top of Pinnacle. 

Paula playing with Rocky. 

Calm before the Storm

The work week finally starts. That is too bad because the weekend was really wonderful. Yesterday I was actually working but I was not in the office. I was out inspecting a new hiking trail down at Cossatot. It was fun and so nice to be outdoors. It is hard to call that work.

Friday was a simple evening but really nice. Paula has to work on Saturday’s and she does her long distance run that morning before work so we met half way at Morrilton and had dinner at a little restaurant there. Saturday morning I did the things I needed to do like laundry. Saturday evening Paula came down to LR. We cooked out at the house and sat and drank wine and talked until we both could barely stay awake. Sunday morning we woke up and walked down to Sufficient Grounds. The weather was so nice this weekend; it was a necessity to be outside. After breakfast we went and climbed Pinnacle Mountain. Since we were so good and did our activity for the day we went to the Purple Cow and indulged in some tasty desserts. Once we were stuffed we went back to my house and took a nap. After the nap Paula had to go home since she had a test Monday morning in school, so she had to go home and study.

It was a good weekend and a needed one since this week at work will be pretty aggravating since we are the most unorganized and mismanaged department in the world and this is our end of fiscal year. Please pray for us. We need it in this office.

Life is Good.

I am so ready for the weekend. I can not wait until I leave here. I do have a little work that I have to do today but I am not motivated enough to do it. I will do it after lunch.

That last couple of days have been very relaxing and productive. I pretty much just worked around the house. I now have the yard in really good shape. I also have finally gotten a budget put together and life should be much easier being more financially organized. I have started jogging again, which I have not done in over a month and just trying to get things back on track after the downward slide I have been on for the last several weeks. Life is good now.

This weekend is going to be awesome. I am meeting Paula tonight in Conway so we can go to dinner. She has to work tomorrow that is why we are meeting halfway. Saturday morning I will do some necessary stuff like laundry and wash the car. Saturday evening Paula is driving down, after work, and we will cook out at the house and just hang out there probably. Sunday morning we will eat at Ozark Mountain Smokehouse and go climb Pinnacle, go bike riding, play Frisbee or just do nothing at all. We both agree we want to spend Sunday outdoors and the weather is supposed to be good for being good outdoors. It is going to be a good weekend.

The Devil in all her glory, horns and all. 

The Devil Made Me Do It!

Do you believe in the devil? I do. The devil has a way in making me do bad things. I always thought that the devil would appear as well, a devil. This devil though is very mischievous. You think you are seeing an angel. The so innocent laugh that makes you think everything is good and pure. The dazzling smile that makes you believe that everything in the world is as gorgeous or those wonderful brown eyes that sucks you in to a dream as reality seems to stop.

It is in fact all an illusion. You do not realize it until the next day. You wake up and your head is spinning. You have to concentrate to put one foot in front of the other. You are dieing of thirst and in need of food but everything tastes badly. You don’t know what time it is or how you got home. Part of your memory is gone and you hope that you did not do or say anything stupid but you are sure that you did. Your entire morning is a disaster and you know you are suppose to be somewhere but not sure where…oh yeah work. Getting dress is a major undertaking. You wonder how this did happen, you were with an angel? You think back at that angel and then you see something you did not see before, the horns. Now it all makes sense.

Do you believe in the devil? I do. I saw her last night and she made me do bad things.

I So Don't Want To Be At Work.

Unfortunately the weekend is over and it is back to work. This past weekend was really nice. I got to go out on Friday for a while and see a lot of people. I had a nice surprise twice this weekend in the form of phone calls from Michelle. I got Branson on Saturday morning. We had a pretty laid back weekend for us. We went bike shopping Saturday and my parents came into town and took us to dinner. After dinner Branson and I went to the BMX track for him to get some practice on his new racing bike. Sunday we went to Ozark Mountain Smokehouse for breakfast and then went mountain bike riding. I took Branson back to his mom’s at 5 and at 7 my friend Paula came down from Russellville. We went to dinner and then talked most of the night away. It was fun and I actually got up easily this morning much to my surprise. I am a little tired now but my nap at lunch helped. I will sleep well tonight.

Me at work again. 

Feeling Better

As you can tell from the pics I am feeling better now. I just have to keep trying meet people and maybe some of them will want to hang out some.

Now due to several reasons I will not get Branson until tomorrow morning so that means I will be going out tonight and I feel like dancing. Maybe I can talk someone in going with me. I hope to have a wonderful weekend and maybe even take some pics to post on here Monday.

Can you say sleepy? 

Me at work 

At least I am here

What is wrong with me? Why is it so difficult for me to have people to like me and want to spend time with me? Do I have a bad or unfriendly personality? Are people ashamed to be seen with me? Right now my self worth is pretty low. I just don’t understand why if someone has car trouble or needs help in someway or a shoulder to cry on, I always get a phone call. If there is something fun going on I don’t even find out. If I need someone to talk to, like last night, not only do people not answer the phone they don’t even return my phone calls. What makes me upset is not that they do not return my phone call even that night but not at all. I want to make new friends to do things with but how can you be friends if everything is one sided.

I know I am sliding back down the slopes of depression because my appetite is gone. I am just so tired of trying and failing, of being alone.

On a good note I bought some really cool clothes yesterday. Maybe I will have a chance to wear them before they go out of style.

On time!!!

Ok my life is getting a little crazy again. I am going to have to step it down a notch. These 2am nights are getting a little tough to wake up from even though I was not late this morning! So here we go with yesterday’s events…

I get off work and want to go shopping. I want to find some “hip” jeans and shirts. I leave the office and go straight to City Wear/Threads in the heights. They did not have much in men’s clothing and even less in men’s jeans. The owner told me to check back next week that she had just placed a big order. So I want to go to RK Collection out in WLR but due to traffic at 5 I decide to go home and eat and wait until traffic dies down. I get home and Ashley had eaten my food! I do not want to cook so I go to Sufficient to grab something. While there I have a few glasses of wine and catch a little buzz. Ok now I am ready to do some shopping. I go to RK. I walk in and they have some cool clothes. I check out the jeans and find a style I like and check out the price and Whoa Shit!!! What are the most expensive jeans you have ever seen??? These were $262. I look at another brand and dam, $262. The cheapest jeans I found in there were $150. I did find a shirt that I liked and it was much more reasonable at $80. I did not buy anything last night though. I will go to JC Penny’s at lunch.

After leaving RK I go to Lori’s and we drink some more. She talks me into going to the Fox and the Hound with her to meet up with some mutual friends. We had a good time but there was a little too much drama going on within the group. On the way home Lori who is pretty tipsy starts to tell me, out of the blue, how I had my chance with her and passed on it and how I may get another chance again but I blew my first one. She also told me how I have dated some losers in my life. I told her she was right and that she had married one. She agreed and we had a good laugh.

Nice Quote

From Maya Angelou's Interview with Oprah.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forgetwhat you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Almost on time.

Yep late again. At least I got to bed a decent time last night. The problem last night was my room mate comes in at 2 drunk and really loud. She has to come into my room and tell me how much money she made last night, which was a lot but it could have waited until today. Well she goes back out to party some more and comes home again at 6 drunk and loud. Well at least I was not too late, I could have been on time this morning but I had to stop and get some food. Maybe tomorrow I will make it in before 8. HA! Will at least it is a goal.

Exhaustion

I was late for work again this morning. I am so exhausted. I worked in the yard so hard yesterday. The bad thing that I did not finish but it looks much better. I was completely black when I finished. I had so much grim and dirt on me that after I took my shower I had to wash out the tub because all the stuff left in the bottom.

After cleaning up I went to Sufficient to grab some food. I was ready to crash after that. Why is it that when you want to sleep everyone wants to talk. Shannon had to call and quiz me about the second job that I may be getting. After getting off the phone with her I finally get to crash then Paula calls and wants to check on how I was doing from the night before and chat. Of course while talking to her Ashley comes home and wants to talk. I wanted to be in bed by 9 and it was around 11 before I was able to get into the bed for the night.

Of course I over slept. I look rough and fell like it also. Is it 5 yet????

Rollercoaster Ride

What a weekend. It was a lively weekend that was full of highs and lows. I spent time at or in Pizza D, Corner Stone, Barnes, Sufficient, the Rave, cruising, eating sushi, hot tubs, swimming pools, and Cowboy’s. I had a surprise visit from Michelle on Saturday and my dad came by on Saturday. I met a couple of cool ladies. I screwed up the paint job on my car and had a massive panic attack on Sunday afternoon. Not to mention stayed out way too late last night and did not even walk into the door of my house until 5:00am.

Friday night was fairly simple but a lot of fun. I went to PD after changing clothes from work. I hung out there for about an hour just chatting with some friends I had not seen in awhile since I don’t go there much anymore. I then went to the street party in downtown NLR. The band playing on the stage was really bad so I went into Cornerstone and sat at the bar and talked with a few random people waiting for Ho Hum to take the stage at 8:30. After Ho Hum was through with there set I went home. It was a fun but fairly short night.

Saturday Michelle surprised me by dropping by for about 30 minutes or so. My dad came by and helped me fix the lawn mower. Then I started to work on my car. I screwed up the paint job. Not to mention I spent like 5 hours screwing it up. Needless to say I was not; and still not; a happy camper. So Wendy came over and I get cleaned up and we went to Cowboy. First time I had been there in a few months. It was a lot of fun though and we danced a lot. Saw some really fun in a sad way dance moves. Some people should really take lessons before hitting the dance floor. We left there around 2:00.

Sunday was a rollercoaster of a day. I woke up and went up to the new Sufficient to have breakfast and read the newspaper and ease into the day. I then went to the Rave to watch “Lords of Dogtown.” I am not a skater but it was a pretty interesting story. After the movie I went home and took a nap. I woke up having a panic attack and it just got worst and worst. Oh it was not good. I struggled through that and all the emotional crap that goes on with it; anger, depression, frustration and confusion; for about three hours and finally ended up crashing pretty hard after that. Ashley woke up around 7 or so wanting me to go eat sushi with her, Adon and few other people. Some of the people I knew and some I did not. At first I said no. I just wanted to eat and go back to bed, and then I thought it might be good to be around people, so I gave in. I am glad I did. That is where I met Sonny and Paula. They were a couple of really cool women. We all had a good time and decided to carry the party over to Tommy’s house. While at Tommy’s since no one but me had to be at work this morning they all started to do shots. Paula and I were just chilling and not partaking in the drunken debauchery. We were having too much fun laughing and messing with the drunks, somehow though we all ended up in the swimming pool and then the hot tub. I am sure Tommy’s neighbors really loved us last night since it was after 4:00 this morning before we all went back into the house.

Did I mention that I was late for work this morning?

Weekend Again

This should be a pretty entertaining weekend. Today and tonight I will be in downtown NLR watching some good bands and just hanging out. Runaway Planet and Ho Hum will be playing today. Tomorrow I will do some yard work and then do some riding. Tomorrow night should be fun also, I am going dancing. I love to dance but have not been in a while. Looks like Wendy and I will be making the rounds. Don’t know yet if it will be Disco or Cowboy yet but it really doesn’t matter which to me as long as we get to dance. Sunday I hope to wake up and go climb Pinnacle Mountain. After climbing Pinnacle I need to really clean the outside of my car and make it shine again. I just hope I can get most of the scratches out.

Looking Good.

Everything is looking good on the new car front. I thought my insurance would be more expensive on the new car and it is actually cheaper, well just 1 dollar every six months but still that is better then what I was expecting. Now the only thing that might mess me up is if I am too upside down on my car that I have now. It is not in the best condition with door dings and scratches and such. If this weekend is nice I will be outside working on trying to get it back in to good condition. I also tracked my expenditures for the month of June. 27% of all my expenditures went to eating out. I spent more then $500 eating out last month. That is not counting going to the Grocery store that is just going to restaurants. Scary, so let’s say I will be working on lowering that number for the month of June.